Pound by single-solitary Pound

New life goals can be overwhelming, but that can be the fun part (I guess???) Back in November 2014, I looked into full-length mirror.. let me stress the FULL LENGTH mirror aspect. As I looked up and down, over and over again, I was not amused with who I was looking at anymore. She didn't make me want to scream for joy and shout from the rooftops, she made me want to hide in a small corner with a bag of oreos and all 7-seducing seasons of Gilmore Girls.  Even sucking in didn't hide the fate I was headed for if I didn't take immediate action. For this reason, I finally decided I had to do something about what I was ignoring. My weight.
I grew up as teeny tiny as they come, five feet nothin' and eating whatever I wanted all day, every day, with no regrets (THANK GOODNESS!) I danced for 13 years and ran around with boys for the rest, so it wasn't until I was 19 that I started the daily grind desk jobs and non-movement-filled-calorie-burning activities. . . And as cute as a button as I thought I was, the buttons were popping off and replaced with the next size-up jeans with high waists and extra s t r e t c h in the legs. Us short people need to come to terms with the cold hard facts; the older we get, instead of the dreamt of height we get an oh-so-pleasant width.  I am convinced we have to work so much harder to keep the weight off than those taller folk.
So as November brought Thanksgiving, it brought my confidence to an all time low. Turkey and potatoes made me want to throw up and I didn't want people to see me eating.. They probably would have been astonished where I was fitting all the food.. oh just kidding, in my huge thighs, muffin top and double chin. Remarkably, during all three Thanksgivings that I was a part of last year, I just sat there and ate nothing. Instead, I had anxiety attacks and fanned myself with a napkin.. If only I was kidding. My family saw the sweat bullet down my face and I excused myself multiple times to see if I could get a freaking grip. How could I figure out the biggest insecurity I have had my entire life.. It was like trying to climb Mount Everest with no training, no motivation and of course no oxygen. Most people breathe with that stuff ya know. Then that beautiful day, the day that changed everything.
I remember waking up after having another self-pity induced night with treats and a TV remote. The moon was bright, the rain was falling (which is my total fav), and I saw my love sleeping so peacefully. The world seemed right again. I kissed him gently and finally climbed out of bed at 4:30 in the morning, which is normal for me. However, I was never so ready to become revived. I packed my lunch and my... my gym clothes.. Wait the gym? But, I didn't even have a pass? Guess I'd figure that part out later. I endured another successful work day and began heading home. My husband would be at school another hour and I would have to walk.. But I remembered the gym clothes and the conveniently nearby gym. So I took one step that direction, then turned around, then turned around again. I continued that ritual in front of my work building for about five minutes until the courage came pouring out of me. I looked absolutely mad with the pacing and pep-talk, but, it got me to the gym. It made me sign a paper, buy a pass, and head towards the locker room. As I changed, I stared at the ceiling wondering how in the world I would work out. Should I walk on the treadmill? Should I lift weights? Go to the mats and stretch first? Go to the Pizzeria down the street and wait for my husband? All these questions and only myself to answer them. I looked in a full length mirror one last time before I begrudgingly entered the gym. I didn't want to see that girl again and she seemed fine with it.

Less than two months later and I have lost 8 pounds. No, no crazy diets or limiting myself from living my life. I still have about ten-fifteen pounds to go, but I have never felt more alive. I go to the gym six days a week, or work out at home. I don't miss a single day. Not one. There is leg day, abs and arms day, full body and cardio for the rest. With the help of so many supporters and friends, I have been so confident in waking up the next day and getting the job done. When my motivation runs out, Danny jumps in to give me a gentle love-shove. I've researched all there can be researched to accomplish my goals. I have learned new recipes and eating habits. I have learned to push myself and keep looking in that dang mirror. I still see "that girl" sometimes, but we are becoming distant friends. (it's for the best). But for the first time in a long time, I like myself. I even got hit on at the gym.. "but hey dude, I am flattered and very married. We can be friends though?"
For so many years, I have wanted a perfect body. I wanted the curves to be less.. well uhm.. curvy. I want to be physically strong. I want to reflect the strong woman I am on the inside. With the help of Kayla Itsines and Meg for being ever so forceful, I am making some serious dreams come true. This year will hopefully one of the best for me as I am working on this goal. I guess it helps that I'll be at the beach this summer and wearing. a. swimsuit.