Growing up as a little girl I never dreamed I would be where I am today. For starters, I am still only five feet tall with very small ears and tangly hair. Second, I am still working towards an Associate Degree (three years later). Third, I am very silly with an obnoxious laugh that is bound to annoy everyone. Then finally, I am crazy in love with my fiance. Yep, you read right- MY FIANCE! I can't believe it either. I thought this would never happen, perhaps because I was against love and thought it's existence was a slim chance, in my lifetime at least.
If anything, I hope this blog is a reflection on my love for my sweetheart and the times we will go through together. I aim to please, but I can't say all the words will warm your heart. Marriage is about going through life and learning to fall in love with the same person, over and over again. I know it will not always be this easy, in fact, I am expecting it to be hard and gruesome at times. For me, I am still in twitterpation mode and have yet to really experience those hardships. But as we go through this journey, keep in mind, I am new to the whole wife thing.
So on that note...
Let's start at the
Beginning.
(Here is a letter I wrote to my sweetheart for his birthday.. However, little did I know, I was the intended birthday present as he shortly thereafter put a ring on it!)
April 29th, 2013
Danny,
I have quite the story for you; however, I’m not so sure how
it is going to end. I guess that part is up to you. Growing up, I always
decided that I was not like the other kids. I never liked the same games or
enjoyed the same adventures. I always danced to the beat of my own drum, grooving
to whichever rhythm I felt most fun. I have always been that way though and
I’ve learned to love that about myself. I never had to worry what other people
thought, because I simply didn’t care all that much. I was best at just being
myself.
I accepted being lonely for a long
time because I function better that way. I could choose what I wanted to do and
didn’t have to take into account others’ opinions or irrelevancies. I never
expected anyone to understand me and let’s face it, enjoy the weirdness I so
fully emulate. For twenty brutal, “girl” years, I have stood beside myself and
conquered every fear alone. I never dreamed that one day I would meet someone to make
sense in my upside-down world. As I entered the summer of 2012, I knew that it
was going to be different. Not only different, but extremely painful. It felt
like learning to breathe all over again. Every intake of breath felt like an
anticipated ‘nails on a chalkboard’ result, but to my relief was accompanied
with an exhale that became rewarding and bitter-sweet. Last year was easily one
of the hardest years of my life. I forgot who I was and what type of women I
wanted to become. 2013 started the same way: agonizingly painful. The entire
month of January was excruciating. A horrible freeway car accident, a
bed-rested illness, work issues and the list goes on. I felt like the world was
crashing down on me and the weight was just too much. I quickly determined that
this year was instead the worst year… ever. I hated anything and everything
that moved, perhaps what didn’t move as well. I was over being kind to people
and looking at the glass half full. I lost my need for love and stopped
believing that that even existed. For a few months after, I crawled into a hole
and got all too comfortable. It was dark and scary, but it seemed comforting
not knowing what was next to me.
Then,
brilliantly, the month of March came around and I was done being my hermit self
and I felt ready to take on what the world had to throw at me. I was on top of
the world and I was ready to dance to my drum again. I examined every particle
of life as meticulously as I could just so I could learn to love it. Every day
I became stronger, my health was better and I was finally smiling. What an
accomplishment right? I was that wonderful ‘me’ that believed in miracles and
pictured those princesses and prince charming’s as real people. I went as far
as thinking the stoplight turned green just because I was coming through. The
sun shined through every portal and it was some kind of happy I had never
known. I soaked it up like a sponge, never thinking what was in store for me.
On a lazy
afternoon I decided that I was hungry... Okay, you caught me- I’m always
hungry. I decided to flee my office for an hour to enjoy the likes of the café
downstairs. I always ordered the same thing, but it was a treat all the same:
Chicken Enchiladas. As I talked with some co-workers and friends from the café,
I found myself staring straight at the cutest guy I had ever seen. He was tall,
dark and handsome and oh-me-oh-my, he grew the sexiest mustache I had ever
beheld. However, this wasn’t the first time I saw him. I used to go get lunch
every once in a while in hopes that he would be working and that I would work
up the courage to say something clever to him. I always failed because he walks
so fast, but I used to daydream what his life was like. I pictured him going to
school, probably dating some beautiful girl, working part time at the best café
and he was just perfect in every way. I even went as far as thinking about what he
would say to ‘pick me up.’ I almost had to slap myself away from staring
because he kept looking at me like I was insane. He probably would have brought
me over a napkin to wipe the drool off my face if I hadn’t successfully broken eye contact.
With the
notion that I would once again fail in talking to him and even knowing his
name, I went on eating a salad and being embarrassed that I got dressing all
over my face. I was starting to sweat, my palms and everything. What if this
was my big chance and I was missing it? How silly I thought I was. I tried to
turn my back on him until he came up to the bar where I was sitting to pay
someone’s tab. “Is this it?” I thought, as he was less than two feet away. (I’m
really sweating now). His coworker
comments on his mustache and BOOOOOM I was in! I piped right into the
conversation. I was even being funny! THAT NEVER HAPPENS! He seemed intrigued
and I kept the conversation going as long as I could until he escaped and then
drat, I was out, once again. At that point, I was unable to find my next move.
Should I have just straight up kissed him in front of everyone? Maybe not. But
man it was tempting. He was incredibly attractive and I’m sure he gets that all
the time.
Again, I
felt that I had lost this one and went on eating my embarrassing salad. I stiffened my back so I wouldn’t foolishly
swing around to look at him once again. But I just couldn’t get enough. He was
honestly the best thing I had ever seen and I could not just let that go. So
again, I boldly called across the café for him to come over. I asked him a
ridiculous question about his mustache to spark a conversation again. It worked
but only for a short time, then he had to return to work. However, I was quite
certain that he seemed interested. From there, I had to work fast because I was
scared he would come up again and I was running out of funny things to entice
him with.
I grabbed a
napkin and quickly jotted down my name and number and a few silly verses then
got the heck out of there. I left the napkin in his co-workers hands and made
her promise to give it to him. I hopped into the elevator and giggled like a
little girl the whole way up to the fifth floor. I was glued to my cell phone
for the next hour until he texted me. From that moment, I was already hooked.
The rest is history. Who knew that such boldness would affect the rest of my
life? I found the person I will spend eternity with and it is the best love in
the world. He is the best thing in my life and I will love him forever.
Dan, I love
you so much. You are such a blessing and I am so lucky to have you in my life.
I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy and supporting you through
whatever comes our way. I will always be your best friend and you will always
be mine. I will take care of you and give you whatever it is you stand in need
of. I will be your safe place and I want you to tell me anything and
everything. Share your life with me, please!
I love you.
Now and always.
Forever
Yours, Emily
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